Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Wow... It's Been Forever....

Well with my life falling in and out of place in a constant scatter I haven't had much time to write in my blog. But since I'm stuck working Night Audit I figured why not! Soooo much has happened in 3 1/2 months it's stupid. Ayrton went off to boot camp at the beginning of February and I we to California in the middle. A week before I went out my mom got diagnosed with AML aka Acute Myeloid Leukemia. When I got out there my family and I had a meeting with the Oncologist/Hematologist about the diagnosis and what we are looking at. Since she was so immuno-suppressed for the double lung transplant 5 1/2 years ago. The cancer she had in 2005 came back. Which isn't a shocker what so ever. The big shocker was that AML M-5 is the worst kind of leukemia you can get. The doctor told us it was just meddling along and she was stable... for now. We discussed what would happen if they put her on Chemo and it wasn't good. There was a 20% chance that it would work and extend her life by maybe 2 years at the most. But she would be in the hospital over half the time. We discussed what would happen if she didn't do the treatment. She could live anywhere from 2 weeks to a few months. Maybe longer if we are lucky. But at least she could go home and be with the people she loved for the last however long she lived. We all went home that night and thought about it and came to the decision the Quality is better than Quantity. She wanted to be at home and comfortable. About a week later we took my mom home. I spent the next week spending as much time with her as i could. Knowing that when I went home on March 5th could be the last time I saw my mom. I never expected it to be though.

March 5th I woke up to my mom looking great. Well better than she had in a while. She was at her desk checking emails and writing people back. She hadn't done this in at least a month. Right before I took off for the airport I gave her the last hug I would ever give her. I got home back to Indiana and my sister said she wasn't doing to well and she needed to rest.

Friday March 6th. I woke up and got ready for work like I always do. About 3:00pm I got a text from my dad saying they were in the ER for severe shortness of breath. He said they were probably going to check her in and he would call me later for an update. About 5:30pm my dad called and said the doctor just told him that she wouldn't be surprised if my mom didn't make it thru the night. Apparently the Leukemia took off. Her white blood count was all out of whack and things didn't look good. By 7pm we started saying our goodbyes. I had to tell my mom over the phone that it was okay to let go and we would be fine without her. I told her I loved her and that was the last time I said anything to her. She couldn't talk because her body had started shutting down. At 9:17 pm my mom took her last breath. She was gone.

The next flight out was at 7am. I got on the plane and went back to California to comfort my family and plan for her Celebration of Life. On March 28th her Celebration commenced and it was beautiful. We timed it so that we could go outside and say a prayer at sunset. My dad, sister and I all gave speeches as well as my aunt Karen, my grandmother Bobbie, family friends Linda and Craig, and my moms cousin Janet. It was more than I could have asked for. It was full of life just like my mom.

My mom taught me to be strong and independant. Always have a smile on my face. Everything happens for a reason. If you love someone the little things shouldn't matter. And so much more. I love my mom more than my own life. If i could trade places I would have in a heart beat.

It's been a rough couple months since then. Depression has hit me pretty hard. With Ayrton in Florida and me in Indiana, it's tough.

In 15 days we are scheduled to get married. My sister just found out she is 5 weeks pregnant which means that she is due within a few days of Christmas. This year is going to continue to be full of ups and downs. Some I am looking forward to as others I am not. I guess all I can do is push thru the hard times and praise the good ones. Family will always come first. Always.

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